John McInnes - On The Mic

Performer: John McInnes
Photograph by: Pete Sherrard
Show: Match of the Stick
Venue: 3 Broomsticks
Promoter: Hat on Dog


Tell me about your Edinburgh show.

Match of the Stick is a compilation stand-up show with a sketch narrative linking the standups. At one point it was very sports-themed, last year it was very religious and comperéd by a large tree branch on stage. We aim to be the most accessible, stick-centric comedy show of the fringe, however if any of that sounds un-inviting I encourage you not to attend. There’s so many other shows you could see!

Tell me about your first gig.

I did well, then spent 3 more minutes performing a monologue as Matthew McConaughey’s lawyer character in “A Time To Kill”, getting the audience to imagine their dad farting.

Do you have any rituals before going on stage?

I read Wikipedia to memorise the symptoms of locked-in syndrome, in case that becomes useful.

Tell me about your best and worst review.

Chef kissing his fingers – “Mwah!”

Baby pointing to his full diaper – “UH OH!”

During this Edinburgh run, do you plan to read reviews of your show?

No, I plan to write reviews of my show. I don’t plan on reading those reviews.

How do you feel about reviewers generally?

“I’m like hey, if you were paying attention the first time you wouldn’t have to re-view it!” – Me, playing to the reviewers at a gig in a manner which alienates the audience and confuses the reviewer.

In April 2018, YouTube comedian, Markus Meechan (aka Count Dankula) was fined £800 for training his girlfriend’s pug dog to do a Nazi salute with its paw, in response to the phrase ‘Gas the Jews’. Do you believe Meechan committed a criminal offence, and why?

I’d fine him £1000 for being called “Count Dankula”

Are there any subjects that are not suitable for comedy?

The Nagorno-Karabakh conflict. It’s not well enough known to be humorous.

Have you ever gone too far?

Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention. I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption. I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway. And more, much more than this I did it my way. Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew when I bit off more than I could chew, but through it all, when there was doubt I ate it up and spit it out. I faced it all and I stood tall. And did it my way. I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried I’ve had my fill my share of losing and now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing to think I did all that, and may I say, not in a shy way. Oh no, oh no, not me. I did it my way. For what is a man, what has he got if not himself, then he has naught. To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels. The record shows I took the blows and did it my way. Yes, it was my way.

Looking back over your time as a comedian, tell me about the best gig of your career.

I literally don’t remember any gigs, there’s no point. They’re basically all pretty decent.

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